if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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