I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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