smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
