Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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