cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
