so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
