I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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