But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
