Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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