carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
