Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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