I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
