I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize