so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
