It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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