His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
