If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
