when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
