Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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