and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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