I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
