How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize