everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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