I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sober January is a disaster.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
