Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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