I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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