I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
