Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Randomize
