Where is the hickey?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
