mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Randomize
