I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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