you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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