the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
