guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
