my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
In America we eat man semen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
