he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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