Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
