I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize