What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize