my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
