god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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