I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
