i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
