and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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