I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
