Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
