You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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