hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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