I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize