Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
