He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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