Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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