So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
