im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
