I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
