there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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