tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
