If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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