I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
