i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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