Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
