So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
