Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
