I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Houston, we have a squirter
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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