i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i think my cat just said my name.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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